Month: June 2016

2(1-3 Bugs) + 2(1-3 Joys) = 2-6 Bugs and 2-6 Joys

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The problem with keeping a daily journal, for me, is that I feel really awful when I can’t maintain it.  I vacillate between thinking I should force myself to write it and thinking I should get done whatever it is that’s keeping me from focusing on the journal.

Then I lecture myself for overthinking something simple and encourage myself to say “fuck it, whatever.”  

I feel like my life goal is to get to “fuck it, whatever” (hereinafter referred to as FIW) without having to go through all of the pre-FIW angst.  I would love to be less structured, less intense, less uptight.  But so far I haven’t figured out the shortcut to FIW

I have, however, gotten my time down for getting to FIW. It used to take me days or weeks to get there relevant to any particular issue of uptightness.  Now I can usually get there same day if I do it right and with the requisite amount of awareness.

I can’t always maintain FIW for very long, but I guess room for growth bodes well for never being bored.

For those of you still reading, thank you.

For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, “fuck it, whatever.”

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I stopped writing the daily journal on Thursday because I was in a bad mood.  I could have come up with a ton of Ughs or Bugs, but not Joys.

It’s not that there weren’t Joys.  And it’s not that I don’t remember there were Joys.

It’s just that my Bad Mood Brain (BMB) gets MUCH pissier if I try to think of positive things on purpose.

And getting my BMB pissier is just not enjoyable for anyone.

But now that my brain has a weekend break so I can do some review.

Ughs and Joys Drumroll……

UGHS AND JOYS, in which we journal our one-to-three highs and one-to-three lows of the day, more or less.  

Okay, let’s get the UGHS out of the way…..

UGH ONE:

I was behind all week. I just couldn’t catch up on outstanding deadlines. And I couldn’t figure out how to do anything differently to catch up. And it was awful.

I hate being behind. It really stresses me out.

Like REALLY SERIOUSLY AWFULLY AND IN THAT SO-NOT-FUN WAY.

UGH TWO:  

I should have broken down Ugh One to say “I was behind Thursday morning.”  Then I could have said Thursday afternoon and Thursday night for Ughs Two and Three. Four, Five and Six could have been Friday morning, afternoon and night.

Because honestly, I can’t remember – and don’t want to remember – any of the other crappy stuff from Thursday and Friday that happened related to my being behind.  I was just behind and hating it and that made life sucky.

For me, one of the worst feelings in the world is working, working, working and, at the same time, getting asked where the work is by clients.

I call it ‘worrying about working while I’m working.”

I hate that.

Also – and this would be Ugh Four, Ugh Five and Ugh Six if I hadn’t already listed them – worrying about getting work done KILLS my creativity.  It’s not that I don’t feel creative.  I do.  It’s just that I can’t connect the creative dots as quickly or efficiently or well.

Wow….negative much?

Whose idea were these Ughs and Bugs?

Actually, I know exactly whose idea they were and I shall slap him when I see him.

Okay, some Joys.

Joy One:

Good weather. I love good weather. Even the storms.  I love the storms.

Joy Two:

I gave Bella (the dog) a bath and she smells good again for a while.

Joy Three:

I have what seems to be a fully-heeled ankle.  After three weeks of having to be super careful, I was able to bike and even run a bit yesterday!  Looking forward to a ton more running.  Yay!

Joy Four:

I saw my nieces a few times and got a sleepover.  I’m constantly amazed that these small people choose to visit here when they have time to visit.  It’s really great and flattering.  And it’s a little scary how much I love them.

But it’s nice to know I can feel love like that for family.

Oops. I should NOT have said that.

I sincerely hope no family members are reading this.

If you ARE a family member reading this, that was NOT about you, obviously.

Joy Five:

I pre-cleaned my car in preparation for getting it washed.  Getting the car washed is such a hopeful life activity.  Anything is possible when you have a clean car.

Joy Six:

Summer. It’s just the best. On a daily basis while it’s here, it’s just the best.

Okay…back to experiencing life so I can get all meta later and judge it.

Hope your Ughs and Bugs are few. Hope your Joys are fully experienced.

Here’s some of the art and humor from the part of the week where I checked out because of my stupid Pissy Bad Mood Brain (PBMB).

xoxoxo, d

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Ooooh! Forgot a MAJOR JOY!

Reply All got mentioned by Comic Strip of the Day this week.

Yay!

It’s a huge honor to be mentioned by CSOTD because Mike Peterson is picky and he always puts me in such good company.

Thank you, Mike!!!  ♥ ♥ ♥

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Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

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Not everything that is faced can be changed,
but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
~James Baldwin~

UGHS AND JOYS, in which we journal our one-to-three highs and one-to-three lows of the day, more or less.

Okay, let’s get the UGHS out of the way…..

UGH ONE:
DC has a closed primary and I’m registered independent. I’ve struggled with the ‘register so you can vote’ argument….but I struggle more with identifying with a party.

I won’t figure this one out anytime soon.  But I also doubt I’ll be living in DC by the time the election for Hillary’s second term rolls around.

That wasn’t a prediction. It was rejection of the alternative.

UGH TWO:
A client paid with an electronic check and it’s completely cumbersome.

But then again, a client paid, so that’s good.

UGH THREE:
My neighbor’s oldest child graduated today from high school. And he voted.

It’s so confusing watching time pass by. 

I want my time to stop.

JOY ONE:
Same as above. My neighbor’s oldest graduated today and voted.

He was glowing. He was proud. He was free. He was energized in a quiet, calm, confident way.

My neighbors raised good boys.

They are walking examples of hope.

JOY TWO:
Good food day! I replenished the supply of Fruttare.

Whew.

And had a really good steak salad that I’ll probably make now every day for the rest of the summer because it’s an easy guaranteed happy culinary ending.

Whew. One less decision to make each day.

JOY THREE:

I got new earbuds!

I’ve lost two to my niece, who always steals mine. And one to her dog who chews on them when he’s bored.

I bought the cheap ones that sound goooooooood……LOVE new earbuds!

……….

On a different note, Non-Ugh, Non-Joy, Just-Dogs….

Today’s strips were all about dogs.

My dog’s been on my mind lately.

Now that I work at home, she’s Even More Spoiled.

I didn’t think it was possible.

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May your ughs be not-so-bad and your joys be not-too-complicated.

xoxo, d

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

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Love does not consist of gazing at each other,
but in looking outward together in the same direction.
~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry~

UGHS AND JOYS, in which we journal our one-to-three highs and one-to-three lows of the day, more or less.

Okay, let’s get the UGHS out of the way…..

UGH ONE:

The shooting in Orlando sucks. And it serves as another reminder that we value the right of certain people (not everyone) to do whatever the hell they want more than we value the right of everyone to live safely in this country.

I spend a lot of time researching places to live and I would sign up in a second for a place where all guns are banned.

As an advocate for increased resources for the treatment of mental illness, I assure you that making change in healthcare privacy laws is just slightly harder than making changes in gun laws.

UGH TWO:

I didn’t get outside enough on Monday. I spent more time than usual in the car (ugh) and less time than usual in the woods.

I had to apologize to the dog ten times over.

But we’ll just do double woods the rest of the week, so it all works out.

UGH THREE:

I ate the last Fruttare.  😦

These bars are addictive. And amazing.

And, as the 12-year old niece likes to say, each one has four servings of fruit!

I have no idea whether that’s actually correct but I’m tired of debating facts with her and losing.

Never enter into debate with someone who watches YouTube around the clock.

JOY ONE:

I met with someone today who has a similar vision of a social impact licensing business. It’s very exciting.  And hopeful. And even if we don’t end up partnering, it’s nice to fee closer to finding the right combination of partners for social impact licensing.

It feels like doing GOOD work is much closer to happening.

And that feels really GOOD.

JOY TWO:

Somebody gave me a zipfizz yesterday. He even mixed it into a bottle of water for me and shook it appropriately after observing me shake it ineffectively.

Is ineffectively even a word?

So this stuff is supposed to make me feel like a better man. Or something like that.

I have no idea whether it worked but I’ll say this: I felt GREAT just hoping it would work.

I’ll give it a month and get back to you. If I don’t get back to you, it might have killed me.

JOY THREE:

School is out for summer for one niece.  The others end school next week.

No school means more sleepovers.

That’s Joy. That’s Yay. That’s Fun. ❤

………

Switching gears, today’s strip was an ode to coffee.

Because it’s coffee.
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Hope your ughs are few and your Joys great.

xoxoxo, d

Freedom lies in being bold.

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Freedom lies in being bold.
~Robert Frost~

BUGS AND JOYS

Last night (Saturday night), when it was way too late to be doing homework, two of my favorite people came up with homework.

The friend who loves exercises, was talking about writing a daily journal. The friend who loves inspired ideas and trying new things said he wanted to try it.

There was some cool twist on the daily journal but I can’t recall what it was since it was too damn late for the conversation we were having.

But we decided to journal together.

Well, not together, but on our own and together in spirit.

The friend who loves inspired ideas came up with the format: three things that are bugging you today and three joys of the day.

My joys are easy today so I’ll get them over with.

(1) I evened out my self-inflicted haircut and took off a bit more from the length.

This is a follow up to a joy from yesterday in which I was glad I got around to cutting my hair.

I knew my haircut had not been implemented quite evenly last night, but I needed for my hair to calm down a bit after being washed. Then, this morning, I woke up with more relaxed hair and just went at it.

I’m not sure if it’s a universal feeling, but I always feel reborn when I cut my hair.

And yes, people ask me why I don’t just go to a salon.

The answers are that I am (1) too lazy, (2) too cheap, and (3) too antsy to sit in a chair and pay for conversation I don’t feel like having.

I’ll post a pic of the cut later.  It’s fresh.

A bit choppy, perhaps, but worth every dime.

(2) The second Joy is too easy since I went to hear my niece’s band play in a Battle of the Bands.

Kids being passionate. Kids rocking out. Kids following dreams.

Joys don’t get much better than that.

I won’t ruin it with words.

(3) The third Joy is too easy too.

While listening to the Battle of the Bands, I got to watch the other niece drawing on my iPad (using Art Studio)

My niece doesn’t realize it, but I could sit next to her watching her draw forever.

It’s heaven, at least for me.

She also doesn’t realize that she draws in my style.

Pure joy.

Okay…..sooooooo…..

The Bugs, or the Ughs, as we came to call them, are also easy.

(1) I got very little work done.

I generally have a certain large amount of work I need to do on the weekend to be ready for the week and to avoid starting Monday behind.

But friends came over to talk about business and life and passion and I stayed up too late on Saturday and woke up too early on Sunday for Battle of the Bands.  So my brain was fried mushy mush today.

(2) I didn’t get to run or bike with Bella (Chief Dog-in-Chief).

Sunday is usually a triple header for us – a hike through the woods, a bike ride to Georgetown and a run or scoot to National Cathedral.

But I was busy listening to middle school rock bands impress me, so no bike or run.

Boo hoo.

(3) The third ugh is embarrassing for me as a supposably evolved female.

I was outside with Bella and my best friends, two seven-year old twin boys and their four-year old brother.

We were playing and I was teaching them how to get a workout with a band.

So we’re working out with the band and talking about serious topics like why Bella wants to be picked up and carried like a baby.

One seven-year old told me he weighed 60 pounds. Or 59. Or something.

We talked about his weight for a while

I’m not sure what the focus was.

Then the seven-year old brother informed me he weighed 100 pounds, which of course he doesn’t since he’s seven.

I dramatically refused to accept his information in that dramatic way kids love for adults to talk.

So he said he weighed 99 pounds.

And I dramatically rejected the new number.

And on it went.

He weighed 98 pounds. No!

97 pounds. No! 96 pounds. No! No! No!

At some point, one of the boys asked me how much I weigh and I did something very bad.

I began to tell them it’s not polite to ask a women her weight.  I was honestly and lovingly thinking I could save them from a future of getting slapped or otherwise reprimanded.

But then I realized I was perpetuating a stupid gender distinction. I was helping these boys to think the weight of a girl matters…or that when girls obsess about their weight it’s a normal, healthy thing.

And then I got flustered because I was trying to figure out a gender political position with minor children who belong to other people.

So I did what I always do in such situations.

I told them to ask their mom about asking women their weight.

Ugh all over that one. Stupid me.

Hope your bugs or ughs weren’t too awful.

Hope your joys were joyful.

It helped me to see the cartoon I had drawn for posting today.

 

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It was a good reminder that most of life is outside of your control and therefore not worth too much worry.

Here it is….. enjoy and have a great week. Or a good one.

xoxo, d

 

 

 

 

 

One Two Three

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I’m sitting here with two of my favorite people in the world.  They’re favorites because they talk to me about the topics I love the most:  business, the business of helping people and figuring out how to make those businesses into businesses.

Yes, they are business geeks.

And, like true business geeks, they have given me an assignment even though it’s midnight (almost) on Saturday night.

I’m supposed to write what’s still bugging me, three things.  And what was good about today, three things.

So I’ll start with the good:

(1) I cut my hair today after weeks of obsessing about the need to cut my hair. Yes, I cut my own hair. And finally, today, I just did it. It’s not that good, but who cares since it’s summer and my hair will rarely be down.  I just know it feels good to be done with it and to not have to think about it again for a while. I should also say it feels so light. And so short. And so sexy.  Which is proof that we can still feel all the things we felt as kids…even when we’re ancient.

(side note: the dog wants us to get back to talking)

(2) I biked today with Bella, the dog. It was hot and humid and I love it when it’s hot and humid.  It was a good start to summer biking. I thought about waking up early and biking every morning with Bella.  There’s a route nearby where I can get in two miles of a really tough hill.  But we’ll see. Not sure I can wake up early to bike without having to be somewhere.

(3) Wine. We had wine and it was good. I love wine.

And now for the ugh….

(1) I was hoping my friends would give me the short answer to hard questions. But they only gave me insight.  I love their insight but they’re making me think more.  And, well, ugh.

(2) I was hoping to get the carpet cleaned but I ran out of steam, no pun intended. I can do the carpets this week.

(3) I can’t think of a third, but that’s probably because we drank wine.

Be where you are.

“Bugs and joys” ….

xoxo, d