The problem with keeping a daily journal, for me, is that I feel really awful when I can’t maintain it. I vacillate between thinking I should force myself to write it and thinking I should get done whatever it is that’s keeping me from focusing on the journal.
Then I lecture myself for overthinking something simple and encourage myself to say “fuck it, whatever.”
I feel like my life goal is to get to “fuck it, whatever” (hereinafter referred to as FIW) without having to go through all of the pre-FIW angst. I would love to be less structured, less intense, less uptight. But so far I haven’t figured out the shortcut to FIW
I have, however, gotten my time down for getting to FIW. It used to take me days or weeks to get there relevant to any particular issue of uptightness. Now I can usually get there same day if I do it right and with the requisite amount of awareness.
I can’t always maintain FIW for very long, but I guess room for growth bodes well for never being bored.
For those of you still reading, thank you.
For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, “fuck it, whatever.”
I stopped writing the daily journal on Thursday because I was in a bad mood. I could have come up with a ton of Ughs or Bugs, but not Joys.
It’s not that there weren’t Joys. And it’s not that I don’t remember there were Joys.
It’s just that my Bad Mood Brain (BMB) gets MUCH pissier if I try to think of positive things on purpose.
And getting my BMB pissier is just not enjoyable for anyone.
But now that my brain has a weekend break so I can do some review.
Ughs and Joys Drumroll……
UGHS AND JOYS, in which we journal our one-to-three highs and one-to-three lows of the day, more or less.
Okay, let’s get the UGHS out of the way…..
I was behind all week. I just couldn’t catch up on outstanding deadlines. And I couldn’t figure out how to do anything differently to catch up. And it was awful.
I hate being behind. It really stresses me out.
Like REALLY SERIOUSLY AWFULLY AND IN THAT SO-NOT-FUN WAY.
I should have broken down Ugh One to say “I was behind Thursday morning.” Then I could have said Thursday afternoon and Thursday night for Ughs Two and Three. Four, Five and Six could have been Friday morning, afternoon and night.
Because honestly, I can’t remember – and don’t want to remember – any of the other crappy stuff from Thursday and Friday that happened related to my being behind. I was just behind and hating it and that made life sucky.
For me, one of the worst feelings in the world is working, working, working and, at the same time, getting asked where the work is by clients.
I call it ‘worrying about working while I’m working.”
I hate that.
Also – and this would be Ugh Four, Ugh Five and Ugh Six if I hadn’t already listed them – worrying about getting work done KILLS my creativity. It’s not that I don’t feel creative. I do. It’s just that I can’t connect the creative dots as quickly or efficiently or well.
Whose idea were these Ughs and Bugs?
Actually, I know exactly whose idea they were and I shall slap him when I see him.
Okay, some Joys.
Good weather. I love good weather. Even the storms. I love the storms.
I gave Bella (the dog) a bath and she smells good again for a while.
I have what seems to be a fully-heeled ankle. After three weeks of having to be super careful, I was able to bike and even run a bit yesterday! Looking forward to a ton more running. Yay!
I saw my nieces a few times and got a sleepover. I’m constantly amazed that these small people choose to visit here when they have time to visit. It’s really great and flattering. And it’s a little scary how much I love them.
But it’s nice to know I can feel love like that for family.
Oops. I should NOT have said that.
I sincerely hope no family members are reading this.
If you ARE a family member reading this, that was NOT about you, obviously.
I pre-cleaned my car in preparation for getting it washed. Getting the car washed is such a hopeful life activity. Anything is possible when you have a clean car.
Summer. It’s just the best. On a daily basis while it’s here, it’s just the best.
Okay…back to experiencing life so I can get all meta later and judge it.
Hope your Ughs and Bugs are few. Hope your Joys are fully experienced.
Here’s some of the art and humor from the part of the week where I checked out because of my stupid Pissy Bad Mood Brain (PBMB).
Ooooh! Forgot a MAJOR JOY!
Reply All got mentioned by Comic Strip of the Day this week.
Thank you, Mike!!! ♥ ♥ ♥